While I am no expert in marriage, I tend to get lots of questions from my coach wife friends on social media about marriage and relationships. Recently I noticed I have been referencing the book The Five Love Languagesby Gary Chapman a lot lately, so I thought it would be great to go more in depth in that through a blog post, and now a series of blog posts!
To start, I chose the love language I know the most about (because it is mine) Quality Time!
The things that make me feel the most loved are a good conversation, getting out of the house and doing something together, and what I like to call "side by side fun." Some things we do for "side by side fun" is going on walks, playing golf or tennis, or even just going out for dinner. Even though golfing is more of my husband's hobby, I LOVE going with him because I love spending that time with him!
The things that make me feel unloved is when I feel like a cell phone is more important than a conversation with me, when I perceive someone hasn't made time for me, or when it's been a while since I've gotten to do something fun or have a quality conversation with someone. This includes my husband, but also my other relationships.
If this is something you can relate to, Quality Time might be your primary love language. I reference in my previous blog how to figure out your love language. You can find that blog post here.
Something I will venture to say though, is that I think it's more important to know your partner's love language than it is your own. I say that because when you know your love language, you are more aware of when the people you love are missing the mark. But when you know your partner's love language, you can make active efforts to speak that language and make sure that their love tank is full.
While you can't make your partner do the things that fill your love tank, you can do the things that you know will fill theirs, which will in turn improve your relationship. And who knows, maybe they will notice the extra efforts you are putting into your relationship and get on board with these principles and filling your love tank, as well.
Some other ideas to do if your partner's love language is Quality Time is:
-Scheduling a game night or some kind of activity on a regular basis
-Regular date nights where you have limited distractions (phones down)
-Carving out the time to have a quality conversation with them, even if you only have 10 minutes.
-Finding a hobby to do together, and doing it as often as you can. For us, that's golf and tennis!
-Asking the question, "What are some things we could do together that would make you feel loved by me?"
I do recommend reading the book to get a more in depth understanding of the love languages and how to speak them to your partner, but this blog series is designed to get your wheels turning on the subject and hopefully make your marriage and relationships even better than they already are!
Is Quality Time yours or your partner's love language?
What are some other ways that you try to make sure that the Quality Time love tank is full?