When it comes to evaluating my life, I like to look at it from all the different aspects of my life. I define those aspects (in no particular order) as: My career, my faith, my family, my health, my friendships, and my marriage.
When it comes to working on my life, I don't want to just work on one aspect, such as my health or my leadership skills, but I want to improve it from all aspects. So when it comes to choosing books and personal development, I don't want to neglect one of those areas.
This past year I decided to read The Five Love Languages to learn more about how to make my marriage even better. This book has really changed how I see things and how I interact with people, not just my husband! And since reading it, when I get messages from coach's wives who are seeking advice for their marriages, I find I have been mentioning this book often!
While I have known about the different love languages, I hadn't read the book before, which of course helped me go even deeper in my knowledge of them. I also thought I knew what my husband's love language was, but I was actually speaking the wrong language to him all this time!
The book helped me narrow down his correct love language by asking the question, "What are the things I do or you wish that I would do that really show you how much I love you?" His answer wasn't something I was expecting, but now that I know the ways that he feels loved by me, it makes it a lot easier for me to do those things with a great attitude because I know it will mean a lot to him.
Another interesting thing is that we have different love languages, which can make it a little difficult, but I believe once you know that, it makes your relationship a lot happier!
When it comes to deciding your love language, think about the things you wish your partner would do, or maybe the things you nag them to do. Chances are, it will fall into one of the 5 categories listed below.
If the thing you're always nagging them to do is put their phone down and just have a conversation with you, your love language might be quality time.
If the thing you most wish they would do is bring you home some flowers, or bring you home something because it made them think of you, your love language is probably gifts. If you're never happy with the gift someone gives you, your language is probably not gifts...
Words of Affirmation
If you absolutely love sweet texts throughout the day, receiving a little note, or receiving a compliment, your love language might be words of affirmation. Of course, everyone likes to receive these things, but they can mean more to certain people than others.
Acts of Service
Of course, it's normal to wish your partner did more around the house, but if them doing the dishes or laundry is a turn-on for you and makes you feel super loved, this is likely your love language!
Okay, this one might seem like it would be the love language of all men, but it also includes hand-holding, hugs, cuddling, etc. If those things aren't needed to fill your (or your partner's) love tank, then physical touch may not be your primary love language. But if those are the things that make you feel loved and cherished, then physical touch may be your love language.
I really recommend trying to figure out your partner's love language so that you can help them feel like their love tank is full! When both people in a relationship feel loved, it can go a long way in increasing the happiness of everyone close to your family! I also plan to do a series on these 5 Love Languages to go even deeper, so stay tuned for that on the blog and on social media!
To figure out yours and your partner's love language you can do a few things:
1. Read the book. I read the audiobook, but you can find it on Amazon here, Kindle, Audible, or at your local library!
2. Take a test with this link. There is also a test to learn your children's love language as well!
3. Simply ask the question, "What are the things that I do that make you feel loved by me?" Their answer will likely fall into one of those 5 categories.
And then once you know your partner's love language, speak it often! If they feel loved when you do the dishes, do it without reluctance because of how much you know it will mean to them. If physical touch isn't really your thing but it's your partner's love language, still take the time to make them feel special- even if it's just holding hands in the car.
When you know that doing those things will make your partner feel truly loved and special, it makes it a lot easier to want to do those things. And if you feel like your marriage is really struggling, I encourage you to continue speaking their love language, read the book for more ideas, and seek marriage counseling. Our marriages are worth fighting for!
Have you read the book? How have you found The Five Love Languages to help in your relationships?